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Just Thinking about Mom and Thanksgiving Day

  • Posted on November 21, 2010 at 1:08 pm
My Beautiful Parents

My Wonderful Mom and Dad

As Thanksgiving Day approaches I find my mind wandering and thinking more and more about my mom.  As chance would have it, my mom died on Thanksgiving Day in 1996.  Her death forever changed that holiday for me.  I will always remember that bleak November day when my dad yelled up the stairs at me to get up because my mom had died.  My poor dad’s heart was broken on that day and so was mine.  I lost my very best friend and most avid cheerleader.  My dad lost his whole way of life as they did everything together.  He had to figure out how to live his life without the physical presence of my mom, his wife of sixty two years!

My mom was a “super” woman.  She and my dad had fourteen children together, ten of them boys!  Mom was a farmer’s wife that stood beside her husband in the field and a teacher that actually rode the bus to school just like the kids!  My mom did so much for so many all of her life!  Holidays were a special time for mom.  She cooked and baked and always tried to make the holidays special for anyone that came home to visit.  It wasn’t about getting gifts but about breaking bread.  Mom said there was always room for one more.  Holidays she cooked for 20-30 people daily for the whole holiday season.  Relatives would come and go and she would just keep on doing what she always had to provide the meals that were necessary for such a large clan.  In fact when mom died, she basically supplied a lot of the food for all the people that came to stay for her funeral.  Family came from all over the country and she fed them with her baked pies, cookies and her pantry filled with whatever was needed.

The night before mom died I only got to see her a few minutes before she went to bed as I had taught that day and had to drive 260 miles to get home.  I know she had a great visit that night with my sister, Colleen, and I wish I could have been there as well.  It seems so strange that she died on Thanksgiving, but we all noted that it was an easy time for people to get home for her funeral as they already had time off from work.  It wouldn’t be too difficult to take a couple more days.  It was just so like my mom to make life a little easier for everyone even when she died.

With all of these years that have passed, her death is still so fresh in my mind that it has been difficult for me to see much beauty in Thanksgiving.  I can be thankful for many things and that is not what I’m talking about.  It just seems that the shadow of that one day will always and forever be with me.  November will always seem like a cold, dark, unfriendly month that is a vessel for the death that is coming.  The trees have lost their leaves and everything appears so desolate and devoid of life.  The only saving grace for me is the thought that Christmas is near and I can put up tree. Something about watching those little Christmas lights twinkle makes me feel all is right with the world again!

Tribute to My Mom

  • Posted on September 3, 2010 at 5:05 pm

My Wonderful Mom

My Beautiful Parents

My Wonderful Mom and Dad

Today would have been my mother’s 99th birthday.  Even though she died in 1996 I still think about her every single day.

My mother was a very special lady.  I don’t know any woman that could ever measure up to her in my mind.  I often refer to her as having been a “saint” because she birthed and raised ten boys!  That alone puts her in a special place in heaven for me.  Beyond raising children she was also a teacher of English and Home Economics, a grandmother and my dad’s best friend..  My mother was my best friend as well and greatest cheerleader.  I could always count on mom to lift my spirits when I was feeling unsure about some decision or give me strength when I needed it to make a decision.

She was a “no nonsense” type of person and she had little time for indecisiveness.  When a job needed to be done, you just do it.  In her mind you don’t agonize over every little thing and you certainly don’t sweat the small stuff!  When presented with a problem or a challenge my mom would figure out what to do.  She did this in her own life and she encouraged me to do it in my life.  My mother was so much better at it than I currently am though.

My mom was a brilliant woman.  I have never known any other person that could play cards like her.  We would play pinochle and she would remember what everyone else played and count up the points in a match as we played and tell us how many points each team had at the end of each hand.  We would laboriously go through the counting process when the hand was over only to discover that she was always correct.  She was amazing!  She was also a wonderful cook and baker.  She baked so many pies and bread that I cannot even fathom how many she did in her lifetime.  She could fill the counters on any given day and by night time much would be consumed.

Mom made holidays all about “breaking bread” and breaking bread was all about eating the food she created with her loving hands.  She always believed there was room for one more.  Everyone was welcome at her table.  If she knew you were coming home she’d try to make something that she knew you really liked.  My father always said he made her into a good cook.  Maybe some of that is true in a way.  However, dad always told her when he didn’t like something, even though he was the best fed man around!

As my parents got older I can remember mom and dad making “monster cookies” together.  I had thrown a huge pottery bowl that they always used for this occasion.  The monster cookies were about the size of three cookies, huge really.  They’d make a very large batch of these cookies.  When mom died on Thanksgiving Day she left us with a batch of those cookies.  Everyone was so emotional eating those cookies thinking about mom and grandma!  She never put any of us out.  She always took care of us.  Even when she died she took care of us.  She had baked goods made, a fully stocked pantry and as we came together as a family to celebrate her life, she fed us one last time!

My mom is truly the reason I went back to teaching.  When my son, Josh, was in Kindergarten I took my pottery wheel up to his class and demonstrated and also let the students make something which I later fired.  I had a blast with the children and it really got me thinking about how much I missed teaching.  My certificate had lapsed so I would have to go back to school for a semester to get it updated.  I couldn’t see how I could possibly do it being a single parent and having many responsibilities.  Mom had an answer for every excuse I came up with.  I remember telling her I had been out of class too long and maybe taking classes wouldn’t be easy.  You know I could fail.  My mom told me how smart I was and that I would do fine.  Of course she was right and I got an “A” in every class.  I didn’t see how I could afford to go.  Mom said she’d loan me the money.  I didn’t see how I could uproot my son from school two times in the year.  My mom told me Josh will adapt.  She was right on everything of course.

The hardest thing I had to do was move to Sturgis when I got my current teaching job.  I wanted to go but I didn’t want to leave my parents.  I lived just two miles from them.  I loved being so close to them but I had to do what was best for my family.  I spent many weekends running up north to see mom and dad.  I don’t regret any of those long drives “home”.  Mom was so happy for me.  She always encouraged me in every endeavor.  She was there for me helping me in everything I’ve ever done and even today as I make my current choices, she is always in my heart.  Often times I think about what mom would do or say and how she would approach a problem.  It gives me comfort.  If someone says to me, “You look like your mom!”  I feel special.  Even though I know I look probably more like my dad as I have the “Miller” nose and my dad’s clear blue eyes!  Sometimes I see mom when I look in the mirror and I hope that I have the true “heart” of my mom as she loved people.

My mom loved her family most and we all knew this.  She could talk non stop about her children, what they were doing, how many kids they had.  If you were willing to listen, she was always willing to talk.  These were the most important things to her.  Recently many of my nephews have been having children and creating their families.  When I look at the pictures of their children, I often think about how much both my parents would be so happy seeing all these beautiful children.  Mom and dad were all about family.  These new extensions to our family would have been greatly loved by my parents.  Mom would be so happy seeing all these new babies

My mom was a magnificent person, a special woman, with a pioneer spirit and a zest for life.  In my dreams I would love to be like my mom as she is the most amazing person, other than my dad, that I have ever known.  Through all kinds of ups and downs and hardships and trials her character always shone through.  She was there for people.  She was present in everything she did whether she was raising her family, teaching, being a part of the community or just having a conversation.  My mom was someone you would remember.  She lives on in all of her family.  I miss her today like I miss her every day but today is that special day when I can celebrate her birth, September 3rd (1911).  She was a grand lady with soft hands and a smile that could warm your heart.  If you ever played cards with her she’d shake her leg and grin like a Cheshire cat when she knew she had my dad beat!  That picture will always be in my mind..

Father’ Day

  • Posted on June 20, 2010 at 3:08 pm
My Beautiful Parents

Mom and Dad

So I reminded my son that Father’s day was coming up.  He seemed perturbed as he always finds these holidays to be made up by business to generate money.  I personally think some people need to be reminded to stop and think about those important figures in their lives.  From my point of view I’d give anything to have another Father’s day as my dad passed away a few years ago.

I remember some of my brothers not liking Christmas because it was so commercial and frankly they didn’t want to have to spend money on gifts.  In a perfect world we would always remember those we love and we’d treat every day like it was special.  However, our world isn’t perfect.  We often take for granted those people we love and count on the most.  We always think they will be there when we need them.  Truthfully, we all have an expiration date.  We will not be around forever, so I think we need to appreciate each other while we are still around to do so.

Growing up in a large family created a lot of silent and noisy competition for parental affection.  It wasn’t done by my parents but by the sheer number of children all trying to feel special.  When my mom died I said I had lost my biggest cheerleader.  Mom always made me feel like I could accomplish anything I set my mind out to do.  I remember when she was rushed to the hospital for a hernia she had been carrying around for years.  Under the influence of morphine she proceeded to tell anyone who would listen to her about her many children and what their accomplishments were.  These accomplishments were everything from what they did for work to how many children they had.  In my mind mom and dad were a real team.  I didn’t actually think of one without thinking of the other.  It still goes on this way with me today.  How can I possibly separate the two most influential people in my life?  In my book they were both amazing people.

I often think about my mother and how she and my dad raised thirteen children.  Mother cooked for all of them.  When times got tough she went back to teaching and still cooked, cleaned and did everything else a mom would do with a family of two.  I remember her coming home from teaching and lying on the couch with a cold compress on her head.  I’m sure she was dog tired but she’d always get up and make a wonderful dinner for all of us to eat.  She always said there was always room for one more.  Dad joined mom in teaching.  I know this was a very hard thing for him to do.  He was a farmer through and through.  We left the farm even though my dad would still go back and work it in the summer.  My parents had two distinctly different lives they lived.  They were both the farm couple and the teacher couple.  In both lives they carried themselves with dignity.  They also became a part of the community they lived in.  They made contributions that may not be easily noticed but were surely remembered by many for years to come.

My parents always were faithful to their church.  They were Catholic and the church gave them comfort when they needed it most.  When my sister died shortly after her birth, my parents struggled with the loss of their first born female child.  I know the church gave them the faith they needed to sustain each other through their years of obvious pain for that loss.  When my mother died the church was there for my father holding his hand through his well worn rosary beads.

I remember my dad’s well worn hands with such love.  He worked so hard at everything he did.  In those summers when we would go back up north to the farm he also worked in Empire at Jimmy Johnson’s place.  He worked on repairing motors.  As a kid I never thought about my dad working but as an adult I know he worked his whole life, so hard, just so all of us could have a better life.  I remember when those well worn hands were caught in some farm machinery.  Mother had to change the bandages.  When I was home from college I had to do it a couple of times.  I remember the foul smell and it was so gross to look at.  My dad never complained.  He always took everything “like a man” as some would say.  My parents were both very strong people.  They lived through the depression and always lived their lives like you could never take the future for granted.  Times were tough especially for a family with fourteen children but many went on to college and all are living very productive lives.  What my parents accomplished in their life was really amazing to me.

When I was in my early twenties I went out on the snowmobile by myself.  That was a big mistake.  I still remember to this day my poor dad trudging through the nearly waist high snow to bail me out.  He was always there for us kids.  Needless to say I never went out again by myself.  My dad never complained about it.  I just never wanted to put him through that again.  Thinking back to when this happened, he must have been around seventy when he was pulling me out of the snow.  My dad was really strong.  He was built tough.  One year when I was doing the Traverse Bay Outdoor art show I called my dad panic stricken because I really needed more pots to sell.  I was having a great show.  I had fired a kiln load and it was still cooling.  My dad went over to my house and he unpacked my kiln, packed up the pots and brought them to me.  If you have never unloaded a huge gas fired kiln when it is still warm, this is quite a feat for any novice, let alone one that was probably in his early eighties when he was doing it!  Finding parking was tough but my dad got those pots to me.

I have been blessed to have such amazing parents.  Often when I was going up to visit my dad after mom died I’d usually stop and buy him some Baileys Irish cream.  I’d make some coffee and sit with dad and we’d have a nice warm drink mixed with stories of times long past and the warm feeling of a father, daughter love that is undeniable.  I miss those talks and the warm memories of our talks about mom.  My parents live on in my memories.  Sometimes I see glimpses of my mom in myself or my sister.  I don’t think I could hold a candle next to my mom though as I think she was as close to being a saint as she could be raising ten boys.  When I see some of my brothers I can see the physical remnants of my father, so many of them are starting to look more and more like dad.  My dad and mom were both generous, kind people.  They once took a hitch hiker clear up to the straits to help him out.  I think they thought he could be one of their kids.

I only wish I had another Father’s day or Mother’s day to visit with them again.  So on this day, I will remember my parents, my mom and my dad, and how they carried me in their joined heart, protecting me with their unquestionable parental love and I will have that Irish crème and toast my dad and mom with much love and gratitude for all the gifts that they so freely gave me.  God bless all dads and moms today and every day!