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Thinking About Ariel Castro, Women, and Equality

  • Posted on August 2, 2013 at 4:20 pm
Woman of Liberty

Woman of Liberty

Yesterday I watched Ariel Castro claim that he is not a monster, that the sex he had with his victims was mostly consensual, and that he isn’t a violent person.  It is not in his character.  When I heard the word character, I could not believe that he could even speak about it.  What could he possibly know about character?  He wanted us to believe that his problem is a compulsion perhaps for sex.  However, I don’t equate rape with sex, so I had a hard time following his form of logic.  I wasn’t planning on writing about this topic as he repulses me, but I think there is a bigger issue in our nation where women are concerned.  I don’t know the name of the woman on the talk show I was watching on MSNBC yesterday but she was upset that Castro hadn’t been tried for civil rights violations.  She talked about the issue of human trafficking and the fact that these women had their civil rights violated for years.  She said that he targeted women, which indeed made it a civil rights violation.

From my point of view, I have concerns not just about this case, but also with the treatment of women throughout our country and of course the world.  Granted Ariel Castro is a deranged person but he felt that he had the right to do what he wanted with these women.  He said his wife would argue with him and he implied that because she touched him first that he had the right to put her in her place.  Something in his makeup, and I think in the way women are treated by many in our country, made him believe he could do what he wanted with these women, including his wife.

Our society, no matter how much we scream and protest about women’s issues and rights, is still patriarchal.  As a country, I believe we look to men for the answers and give them undo regard when it comes to major decisions whether it is at the local, state, or federal level.  We excuse their behaviors, no matter how crude they are, and we still have that “boys will be boys” attitude ingrained in our minds.  I see this even in school when I am teaching.  I don’t have that attitude but it is there for many.   When I tell some boys to clean up in art class, I still have some boys telling me “That’s women’s work.”   In politics, we have many men that exhibit disrespectful behavior to women on a regular basis.  On the far right wing, there is a constant effort to discount women’s opinions to the point of forcing them to have a vaginal probe if they mutter the word “abortion.”  On the left, we still have to hear about Bill Clinton’s Monica moment in regards to whether Hillary is going to run for the presidency.  The woman that sticks by her man, like Anthony Weiner’s wife, is marginalized as though she isn’t thinking clearly and she has been coerced into accepting her fate.  Maybe she has and maybe we don’t know what really goes on in these relationships.  In these cases, the woman is made to be an appendage to the man, just another “helpmate” for the big daddy that is the boss in the relationship.  In entertainment news, we recently discovered that Simon Cowell is going to be a daddy.  The woman involved is a “gold digger” and immoral because she is still married to her husband.  The last I knew, it takes two to make a baby.  We aren’t hearing what a slut Simon is, it is all about his girlfriend.

The point I am trying to make is that we and I think both men and women, still have different standards for the two sexes.  I received an email last night from Credo action to sign a petition.  The petition deals with the fact that a number of colleges and universities across the country don’t call rape, rape.  It is referred to as nonconsensual sex.  This must be similar to the Republican that talked about forcible rape and rape as though they were two different things.  I don’t know how else to say it but rape is rape.  Women are continually demeaned when their voices are not heard and they are treated like a dog getting their heads patted when dealing with serious issues.

The other day I was talking to my sister and I told her about this video I saw which I assumed was staged but was funny.  A person was showing the excitement his cat had for him after he was gone for six months.  Now we all have witnessed the excitement our dogs show us after even very brief periods away from us.  Cats, however, are a whole another being.  I have two cats and one greets me and the other hides.  I have a dog and he’s always anxious to see me.  The reason I bring this up is that I jokingly referred to women as being like dogs and men as being like cats.  However, I think there is a bit of truth to this.  Men can take or leave us as women.  Much like a cat, they are used to being pampered.  They are used to being at the top of the food chain in respect, expectations, and affection.  They expect women to care for them and love them.  They have expectations of what they want and how they are going to get it.  Women on the other hand are starved for affection and will do just about anything to get that pat on the head, just like a dog.  They will jump through hoops to make sure their man is taken care of and are afraid that someone may see them as not being a good caretaker.  Women nurture and when they don’t everyone notices it!  Women have expectations but they often will subjugate their desires for their mate’s desires.  Obviously, there are exceptions but from my point of view, women are always last.

Now you could say that I have a unique way of looking at things because I grew up with ten brothers and I admit this, but I have noticed many things over the years.  We women were the last to get the right to vote!  Slavery was finally ended and blacks could vote but women were still chained to the concept that they were less than a man.  One of my brothers always talks about the Constitution and I just have to laugh because from my point of view, the Constitution is a living document that needs to change and grow as time changes.  So many politicians want everything to stay the same, don’t rock the boat, and just keep the status quo.  If we do this, half of society would never count for anything.  It still irks me that we could never get the equal rights amendment passed.  Those simple words of equality are very scary to some people.

We live in a time of potential great knowledge for all people.  The internet has opened the doors and the minds of anyone that is willing to learn.  Sure sometimes you have to sift through many websites to find the truth about something, but in all reality if you want to learn about any issue or how to do something the internet is a terrific resource.  I think the more people are educated the more we are apt to all be treated equally in society.  I have found the internet a place where I can discuss issues with other women that are interested in politics.  With this blog, I have an opportunity to get others to think about things.  None of us would have known about the small town in Ohio where high school boys raped a girl and nobody seemed to care until anonymous bloggers got involved.  Today I want people thinking about women and their place in the world.  Women are more than just nurturing helpmates for men.  I think until they are taken more seriously, women will continue to see much physical, social, and emotional abuse by men that think they can have what they want when they want it.  Women need to stand up and make things clear to those men that abuse.  Men that are “evolved” need to help move this issue along.  The women that are abused are their mothers, daughters, and sisters.  If we want to stop people like Ariel Castro, we as a society, have to make sure that little boys grow up respecting little girls and that gender roles are not so defined that women think they are less than men and are willing to accept less pay, less love, and less worth.

Rape Victim, Bullying and Suicide….Tales from Michigan

  • Posted on November 13, 2010 at 5:16 pm

Samantha Kelly

Wayne County prosecutor, Kym Worthy said, “Due to the tragic and untimely death of our 14- year old victim we did not have sufficient evidence of a crime that we could present to the court today.  As a result we had to move to dismiss the case.  Our thoughts and prayers are with the victim’s family.”

These are hollow words when you find out the whole story of young Samantha Kelly.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrIG08hVX1c

This is the law in Michigan as it pertains to Third Degree Sexual Conduct which Joseph Tarnopolski, 18, was accused of committing.

Third Degree Criminal Sexual Conduct – Section 750.520d (a) A person is guilty of criminal sexual conduct in the third degree if the person engages in sexual penetration with another person and if any of the following circumstances exists:
That other person is at least 13 years of age and under 16 years of age
Force or coercion is used to accomplish the sexual penetration. Force or coercion includes but is not limited to any of the circumstances listed in section 520b(1)(f)(i) to (v)
The actor knows or has reason to know that the victim is mentally incapable, mentally incapacitated, or physically helpless.


(2) Criminal sexual conduct in the third degree is a felony punishable b imprisonment for not more than 15 years.

Here is a good article about it.

http://www.woodtv.com/dpp/news/local/se_mich/girl-who-reported-being-raped-hangs-herself

It was quite fortunate and lucky for Joe that his teen victim was tormented by his friends and sister to the extent that she saw no other alternative than to commit suicide.  Something is really wrong with this picture.  It’s unfortunate that this girl wasn’t given the counseling and help that she obviously needed but it is more unfortunate that the bullying was allowed that eventually caused her suicide.  What I find interesting about this case is it seems to have gone unnoticed by most of the big media.  This girl seems to be unimportant.  She didn’t attend Princeton.  She wasn’t from a wealthy family.  She’s pretty much a “nobody” and nobody seems to really care.  Her poor mom wants justice for her child but she isn’t going to get it as her daughter didn’t live long enough to testify in court.  There has to be something wrong with an 18 year old having sex with a fourteen year old

This young man seems to get around as he has another allegation of rape against him.

http://wwj.cbslocal.com/tag/joseph-tarnopolski/

The video at this sight is really interesting and well worth watching.

http://www.mlive.com/news/detroit/index.ssf/2010/11/joseph_tarnopolski_investigate.html

This is the ninth student in Michigan that committed suicide after being bullied in school.

http://michiganmessenger.com/43294/another-bullying-related-suicide-in-michigan

Obviously, something more has to be done to stop students from taunting each other.

From my point of view I find it alarming how many bully cases seem to be happening in recent times.  Many that we hear about are escalated cases that lead to a suicide.  Children today are growing up fast, faster than I remember as a kid.  I think the issue of bullying is far more pronounced in these modern times as there are so many new outlets for students to utilize for bullying.  When I was in high school back in the seventies we all knew about girls that were “easy” and guys that you didn’t want to date.  Today it really is different.  With all of the social connections students can make online and with text messaging, it isn’t really surprising that these same tech tools are being used to cause much pain.  Schools have to be diligent in addressing the problems that bullying creates in our modern society.  Most people wouldn’t think this type of harassment could lead to a suicide but teens are at a fragile time in their lives.  This is a time when their peers mean so much more to them than the adults in their life.  When those same peers turn on them, I’m sure students must feel hopeless.  We as teachers and adults must do everything we can to educate students about what it means to be bullied.  Most kids don’t see themselves as bullies so it is easy for them to fall into a “pack” mentality when picking on other students.  Students need to be called out on their behavior no matter who they are trying to bully.

I’ve had students try to bully classmates but I have also had student try to bully me.  I will not tolerate any of this in my classroom.  Students have to be told when they are being offensive to another person.  Young teens don’t always know how their behavior is offensive.  Since their prefrontal cortex is not fully developed they lack some of that obvious decision making process that most adults have acquired.

Bullying has been around a long time.  I remember my first term at Michigan State University.  I was bullied because I was forced to be the third person in a room with two students that chose to be roommates.  There was over crowding that year so I had to wait for a room to become available the second trimester.  The girls came from Birmingham, Michigan and later I learned that most people considered them “Birmingham Bitches”.  They were horrible to me and I generally don’t ever think about them.  The one girl was the leader and the other one was just her patsy.  The whole floor couldn’t stand them and their treatment of me.  I was a very shy girl that came from a small town and I didn’t stand up for myself like I would today.  In my case the RA met with these girls about their treatment of me.  I hadn’t complained but other people couldn’t stand the way these girls were treating me.  I was use to abuse as I grew up with ten brothers.  I didn’t fight back.  However, after that meeting, the two girls were worse!  I finally got some peace when I was able to move to another room.  That was then and this is now.  That floor filled with other students stepped up and tried to get something done.  Today it seems like most students would join the bullies.  We have to do everything we can to make young people understand that their behavior has consequences.

It’s tough being a teen today.  They are bombarded with all kinds of images that show them what is expected of them.  However, most of those images seem to lack any kind of moral center.  If we want our young teen to grow up to be adults that we can be proud of we must do everything we can to fight for justice.  We cannot let teens think they can get by with bullying without any form of consequences.  This young teen rape victim didn’t see a clear alternative for herself.  We must make sure that our young people are brought up with a sure identity of who they are so they don’t feel like all is hopeless when confronted with a difficult situation.

As far as the young man, Joe, is concerned he may end up in court for another case.  I don’t know why they cannot prosecute him.  I don’t even know if he understands that having sex with a fourteen year old is dead wrong.  Some day he will have to realize that he contributed to this young girl’s death.  That can be a lot to live with.  Some may think he doesn’t care and maybe he doesn’t but surely her face has to stay in his memory for years to come!