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The Loss of Innocence

  • Posted on November 29, 2010 at 9:52 pm

An Innocent Kid Named Katie

I have come to realize that growing up in my family I lived a fairly sheltered life.  Even though I grew up with those ten brothers, I really wasn’t exposed to anything too shocking as a young kid.  I grew up protected from most of the foul things that happen in the world.  I didn’t know about perverts back then.  I wouldn’t have even understood the word as a kid.  I had the freedom to ride my bike around town and didn’t have to worry about much of anything except getting my chores done and doing my homework.  I always felt like I really was emotionally immature when I went to college as the lessons I learned during college went far beyond the walls of a classroom.

I went to Michigan State University in the fall of 1973.  Life for me at MSU was idyllic.  When I was a senior I remember thinking that my life at MSU was like living under a glass bubble.  Of course I was oblivious to the serial rapist and killer that were stalking students because MSU didn’t want the bad press.  Regardless of that issue of safety, I always felt like college life was some kind of utopia.

While at MSU, I was introduced to so many different people from all over the world.  I worked at the International Center in the cafeteria, so I really enjoyed all of the different people I met.  In the two towns that I lived when I was in elementary and high school, I never really came in contact with anyone unusual but a few exchange students.  It was rare to come across anyone of color.  We were all white.  I remember when I was in seventh grade a black girl came to our school.  I remember people said she was “Mulato” which was supposed to mean she was of mixed race, black and white.  However, back then no one would have used the term “black”.  In my memory I thought the girl was beautiful as she was so pretty.  I never spoke to her.  I just remember this weird thought about that beautiful girl and find it interesting by the lack of exposure I had as a kid.

In my world I lived in the greatest country in the world because I had been told that ever since I could remember.  We all have been told that for as long as I can remember.  My parents were FDR democrats that loved President Kennedy, the first Catholic president.  We were Catholic, so of course we loved Kennedy!  I briefly remember my world being shattered when Kennedy was assassinated.  I remember sitting in my third grade classroom when I found out the news.  It was traumatic but even then I was still innocent to what I believed in our government.

In high school I really loved politics.  I came from a family that talked about politics a lot!  It was during the Nixon years and all of that corruption was fascinating to me.  You might think I could have lost my innocence then, you know when Nixon really was a “crook” even though he said he wasn’t!  His Vice President had to resign because he was corrupt.  He pled “no contest” with the condition that he resigns from office!  Do you all remember Spiro T. Agnew?  That was a juicy time for politics with everything going on with Watergate and the ending of the Vietnam War.  You would think my innocence would have been lost during that time but it wasn’t.  I always thought we were the best, bravest, smartest country in the world.

Oh, yes, I fell for every propaganda piece I was raised with from the celebration of “Columbus Day” to “Thanksgiving” to periods in our history that are really highly tainted with our land grab from the Indians!  I loved the fact; yes I said, “Fact” that we always were there to “help” other countries, especially those “developing” countries.  You know the ones that have unclaimed minerals we might want some day!  I really thought we were always working for the greater good of the world.  I never thought we might be working for the greater good of corporations.

I lived like this for years in blissful ignorance.  I thought of only the good that we do as a country.  I never thought of it any other way because we are the best.  Our country was always showcased in my mind as the place everyone else wanted to come to and live.  Everyone wanted to come to America because we’re so wonderful.  The “big daddy” type government was fine with me.  In that government the President was like a “daddy” that wanted only the best for HIS children.  (Yes, you could say I’m still angry that we don’t have a woman president and who knows if we will ever get one.)  All of this thinking about the past is just simple, honest reflection about how stupid I was and how stupid most Americans are when it comes to their government.

I think I began to lose my true innocence over the last ten years.  It began with the 2000 election that was ultimately decided by the Supreme Court.  That was just wrong.  The state should have just counted the votes and recounted just like they have done every other race before and after.  I don’t see the Supreme Court running into Alaska to settle the senate race or into Minnesota a few years ago for that senate race.  They should have stayed out and that was the beginning of the loss of my true innocence.  I realized that my vote really didn’t count.  In fact, no votes really mattered because the decision took away everyone’s vote in the country.  Bush had an argument that it would do some kind of irreparable harm to the country.  The harm actually came from the decision the Supreme Court made.  Prior to this I had nothing but respect for the court system, especially the Supreme Court.  I wasn’t happy years before during the Clarence Thomas hearings, but once he was sworn in, it really didn’t matter.  I respected the court.  I didn’t have to like him or his rulings but I could still respect the court.  I have lost that respect because of at least two decisions, if not more.  The Bush vs. Gore decision was the first and the other case was the 5 to 4 vote that gave corporations some kind of “personhood” where they can spend unlimited money for campaigns.  Essentially corporations are more important than people!

After Bush got into office we had September 11th which was another time in our history which comes up with mixed reviews.  Many people wanted to do something for the victims and their families.  I can remember a fund raiser we did at our middle school.  Those fund raisers took place all over the country and even the world.  Everyone wanted to help.  However some of that charity money wasn’t put to good use.  After September 11th President Bush could have done so much for our country.  Instead we were told to go shopping and later we found out that little secret that Bush and Condi Rice had known a terrorist attack was eminent all along and didn’t do a thing about it.  So what does President Bush do after all of this?  He takes us into an illegal war; wire tapping, Guantanamo Bay, torture everything he could think of in the name of “Homeland Security” to keep us safe and terrified.  Oh, and yes, he gave us a tax cut!  I never thought our country would ever do many of the things that I now know we have done.  Innocence is a precious thing.  I don’t know that it was all that terrible that I was so gung ho on our country and that I believed in the good of our country.  I call that innocence because I only saw the good side of who we are as a nation.  Now that my innocence has been shattered, I see many blemishes and warts.  The Prince Charming that I thought our country was is really a toad.

It doesn’t stop here.  I could blame all the badness on those Republicans but it just isn’t so.  On May 31st, 2008 I discovered that my precious Democratic Party could actually steal my primary vote just like the Supreme Court stole all of our votes in 2000.  My innocence was really shattered because now I didn’t even have a party to believe in any more.  Before I always had hoped that the Democrats would save us from all of the crazy things that had been happening over the last decade.  Torture, Guantanamo, illegal searches, wire tapping, it would all be gone!  It turns out, I was wrong.  The Democrats aren’t any different than the Republicans.  The new boss looks just like the old boss!  I thought we had two parties but we really just have one.  The Republican side is the real conservatives and the Democratic side is conservative.  That’s not a real choice for those of us that are more liberal in our thinking.

The loss of my innocence came when I was not a child but a grown woman.  You might think I should have known better but truthfully I really didn’t want to think that our government could be that corrupt.  Now I come to the Wikeleaks and boy is that interesting.  Joe Scarborough wants to send a message and nail Bradley Manning.  He wants to send that kid to prison for 25 years.  I wonder what happened to innocent until proven guilty.  I personally find it hard to believe that some lowly private did this entire computer hacking on his own.  Wikileaks revealed the little toad with all the warts that lives in the body of the prince.  Our country has some scary things going on.  The revelations continue to come out and they don’t make me proud of my country.  They also rip off that mask of innocence that I have been hiding under all of these years.  I am now the supreme skeptic.  I don’t trust much of anything our government does any more.  If it’s good for the corporations, our country will probably fight some war, bomb some country or assassinate some foreign leader.  Nothing surprises me any more.  Innocence may be overrated unless you are some poor kid named Bradley Manning sitting in some jail wondering what’s going to happen to you.  I will survive the loss of my innocence but will my country survive the loss of its innocence?

September 11th and Liberty

  • Posted on September 11, 2010 at 2:09 pm

It’s hard for me to wrap my mind completely around September 11th memorial celebrations.  I didn’t have anyone that perished in the towers or on the planes.  I don’t even know anyone that knows someone that did lose someone. That being said, I just want to say I think these times have been used this year mostly for political reasons.  The build up to the memorial celebrations have seen a month of anti Islamic sentiment seen all over our country.  This too, I see as political.  This November the Republicans are expected to take control of Congress.

The reason for all of this is not exactly clear.  They certainly aren’t being “rewarded” for their competency as they have done nothing the past two years.  We could say Democrats may lose for their lack of competency as well as they have managed to spend a lot of time on everything but the most important issue, jobs and the economy.  One thing is clear about both of these parties.  They both use September 11th as a time when they can declare their love of country and determination to one again feel the pain of every American and attempt to draw us all back into a time of “unity”.

However, there is no unity for the unemployed or those first responders suffering without complete benefits and recognition for giving their “best” to their country.  Politicians grab the spotlight and shine it on themselves in an attempt to garner votes and goodwill for largely their own purposes.  Behind the scenes are innocent Americans waiting for their unemployment check, a job or hoping their cancer treatments will work and if not, their country will step up and secure their family’s future.

I have to admit September 11th is still a mystery to me.  I remember when it happened.  I was in my classroom with my middle school students.  Our school principal got on the loud speaker and wanted us all to turn on our television sets.  Everything I witnessed at that time seemed very surreal, like it really wasn’t happening.  I think we all were in a state of shock.  I remember they announced that as many as 50,000 people may have died.  Over the course of the years since that time the amount of people that died has been stated to be around 4000, then 3000, and today on CNN as 2752.  The reason I mention the number is that it was used to really prepare us for war.  The higher the number, the angrier we became about being “attacked”.  Imagine my surprise today at the “new” number I heard.  I acknowledge the fact that if you lost someone, the number doesn’t matter.

What’s troubling me about September 11th now is the way that it is being politically put into our psyches as the day of remembrance for all time.  It’s hard to know what to make of all this.  On one side are the conspiracy theory people that think the buildings were imploded and the government played a part in allowing this to happen.  On the other side sits the government and their version that does seem to change as time becomes history.  This is evidenced by the continually changing numbers of victims but also by the continual mind manipulation of the American people.

As a youngster I remember the assassination of President Kennedy.  For me that was a frightening memory that stayed with me for years.  However, we, as a people, were not continually indoctrinated with memorials and tributes that I can recall.  Today with September 11th, I feel that much of the memorial presentations are used through the media to keep us under control.  They serve as a reminder of hatred and who we should continue to hate so we will continue to wage war, even if it is really an “undeclared” war.

Yes, I know the government has labeled it “THE WAR ON TERRORISM”.  However, we have not declared war, so this “war” can go on forever and have no “end”.  We can fight this thing called terrorism and call it a war and keep everyone scared and frightened for as long as the government chooses to do so.  That is kind of scary as we continue to follow rules like sheep that are herded to and fro without questioning any kind of authority.  Ever so often the government has to step in and remind us what we are fighting for because we are a people with a limited attention span.  We aren’t in the middle of the fight, so we tend to forget about Iraq and Afghanistan.  It’s real for the soldiers, their families and the people from both of those countries but for most of us, it does not affect us on a daily basis.  President Bush said we’re fighting them over there, so we don’t have to fight them over here.  Everyone likes that sentiment because no one wants to fight “them” in their backyard.

This past month with all of the crazy anti Islamic sentiment, one thing has been made clear to me.  There are many people in this country that really think the Muslims are going to take over the United States of America and declare “Sharia” law.  When I look up what Sharia law is, I find all kinds of varying information.  I know the people who think the Muslims are taking over the United States have a distinct version of Sharia law that includes anti women and children sentiment.  I know this is why my two brothers think we are in a “Holy War”, a war based on Christians and Muslims.  It seems to me that there is a “right wing” faction that is currently manipulating people through the media to keep their base in a “state of hate” to insure getting that base out to vote.  What they’re voting for is beyond comprehension, returning to power the very Republicans that took us to the brink of disaster with our economy and war.  What is more troubling is the breeding and spreading of this hatred.  We have all heard about the possible book burning that ended up not happening.  This man was nobody, but he was elevated by constant media attention.  On the left people were proclaiming him as being “crazy”.  However, the right wing base now knows what they have to do.  They have to get out and vote.  Vote for the right wingers, the Tea Party people, anyone that fits into the mold that they have carved out as being “right” on the issues.

I’m scared for our country.  September 11th with its self proclaimed “unity” has divided our country completely.  On one side are people like my brothers and on the other side are people that think “they” are crazy.  In between all of this sits the clueless masses that don’t think politics affects them.  They go on with their every day lives doing what they do on a daily basis without any thought given to all of this.  They continue to board planes like sheep.  They will stop and let the police search their cars for no reason.  They do their jobs and pay their taxes and hope that’s enough for serving their country.  They won’t read this.  Most won’t even think beyond what the government has told them to think.  They will live productive lives raising children, working and living life as they see fit.  Maybe they are better off not thinking about all of this, but for me I think about the unemployed.  I think about endless wars.  I think about dishonest, corrupt politicians.  I think about a compromised government.  I think we can be better than we are currently being.  I think about liberty and the cost of doing nothing.  I think about freedom and the price and toll it takes on our country.  Most of all, I think I have as much right as an American to express myself as that crazy Koran burning, nut job, in Florida!