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The Loss of Innocence

  • Posted on November 29, 2010 at 9:52 pm

An Innocent Kid Named Katie

I have come to realize that growing up in my family I lived a fairly sheltered life.  Even though I grew up with those ten brothers, I really wasn’t exposed to anything too shocking as a young kid.  I grew up protected from most of the foul things that happen in the world.  I didn’t know about perverts back then.  I wouldn’t have even understood the word as a kid.  I had the freedom to ride my bike around town and didn’t have to worry about much of anything except getting my chores done and doing my homework.  I always felt like I really was emotionally immature when I went to college as the lessons I learned during college went far beyond the walls of a classroom.

I went to Michigan State University in the fall of 1973.  Life for me at MSU was idyllic.  When I was a senior I remember thinking that my life at MSU was like living under a glass bubble.  Of course I was oblivious to the serial rapist and killer that were stalking students because MSU didn’t want the bad press.  Regardless of that issue of safety, I always felt like college life was some kind of utopia.

While at MSU, I was introduced to so many different people from all over the world.  I worked at the International Center in the cafeteria, so I really enjoyed all of the different people I met.  In the two towns that I lived when I was in elementary and high school, I never really came in contact with anyone unusual but a few exchange students.  It was rare to come across anyone of color.  We were all white.  I remember when I was in seventh grade a black girl came to our school.  I remember people said she was “Mulato” which was supposed to mean she was of mixed race, black and white.  However, back then no one would have used the term “black”.  In my memory I thought the girl was beautiful as she was so pretty.  I never spoke to her.  I just remember this weird thought about that beautiful girl and find it interesting by the lack of exposure I had as a kid.

In my world I lived in the greatest country in the world because I had been told that ever since I could remember.  We all have been told that for as long as I can remember.  My parents were FDR democrats that loved President Kennedy, the first Catholic president.  We were Catholic, so of course we loved Kennedy!  I briefly remember my world being shattered when Kennedy was assassinated.  I remember sitting in my third grade classroom when I found out the news.  It was traumatic but even then I was still innocent to what I believed in our government.

In high school I really loved politics.  I came from a family that talked about politics a lot!  It was during the Nixon years and all of that corruption was fascinating to me.  You might think I could have lost my innocence then, you know when Nixon really was a “crook” even though he said he wasn’t!  His Vice President had to resign because he was corrupt.  He pled “no contest” with the condition that he resigns from office!  Do you all remember Spiro T. Agnew?  That was a juicy time for politics with everything going on with Watergate and the ending of the Vietnam War.  You would think my innocence would have been lost during that time but it wasn’t.  I always thought we were the best, bravest, smartest country in the world.

Oh, yes, I fell for every propaganda piece I was raised with from the celebration of “Columbus Day” to “Thanksgiving” to periods in our history that are really highly tainted with our land grab from the Indians!  I loved the fact; yes I said, “Fact” that we always were there to “help” other countries, especially those “developing” countries.  You know the ones that have unclaimed minerals we might want some day!  I really thought we were always working for the greater good of the world.  I never thought we might be working for the greater good of corporations.

I lived like this for years in blissful ignorance.  I thought of only the good that we do as a country.  I never thought of it any other way because we are the best.  Our country was always showcased in my mind as the place everyone else wanted to come to and live.  Everyone wanted to come to America because we’re so wonderful.  The “big daddy” type government was fine with me.  In that government the President was like a “daddy” that wanted only the best for HIS children.  (Yes, you could say I’m still angry that we don’t have a woman president and who knows if we will ever get one.)  All of this thinking about the past is just simple, honest reflection about how stupid I was and how stupid most Americans are when it comes to their government.

I think I began to lose my true innocence over the last ten years.  It began with the 2000 election that was ultimately decided by the Supreme Court.  That was just wrong.  The state should have just counted the votes and recounted just like they have done every other race before and after.  I don’t see the Supreme Court running into Alaska to settle the senate race or into Minnesota a few years ago for that senate race.  They should have stayed out and that was the beginning of the loss of my true innocence.  I realized that my vote really didn’t count.  In fact, no votes really mattered because the decision took away everyone’s vote in the country.  Bush had an argument that it would do some kind of irreparable harm to the country.  The harm actually came from the decision the Supreme Court made.  Prior to this I had nothing but respect for the court system, especially the Supreme Court.  I wasn’t happy years before during the Clarence Thomas hearings, but once he was sworn in, it really didn’t matter.  I respected the court.  I didn’t have to like him or his rulings but I could still respect the court.  I have lost that respect because of at least two decisions, if not more.  The Bush vs. Gore decision was the first and the other case was the 5 to 4 vote that gave corporations some kind of “personhood” where they can spend unlimited money for campaigns.  Essentially corporations are more important than people!

After Bush got into office we had September 11th which was another time in our history which comes up with mixed reviews.  Many people wanted to do something for the victims and their families.  I can remember a fund raiser we did at our middle school.  Those fund raisers took place all over the country and even the world.  Everyone wanted to help.  However some of that charity money wasn’t put to good use.  After September 11th President Bush could have done so much for our country.  Instead we were told to go shopping and later we found out that little secret that Bush and Condi Rice had known a terrorist attack was eminent all along and didn’t do a thing about it.  So what does President Bush do after all of this?  He takes us into an illegal war; wire tapping, Guantanamo Bay, torture everything he could think of in the name of “Homeland Security” to keep us safe and terrified.  Oh, and yes, he gave us a tax cut!  I never thought our country would ever do many of the things that I now know we have done.  Innocence is a precious thing.  I don’t know that it was all that terrible that I was so gung ho on our country and that I believed in the good of our country.  I call that innocence because I only saw the good side of who we are as a nation.  Now that my innocence has been shattered, I see many blemishes and warts.  The Prince Charming that I thought our country was is really a toad.

It doesn’t stop here.  I could blame all the badness on those Republicans but it just isn’t so.  On May 31st, 2008 I discovered that my precious Democratic Party could actually steal my primary vote just like the Supreme Court stole all of our votes in 2000.  My innocence was really shattered because now I didn’t even have a party to believe in any more.  Before I always had hoped that the Democrats would save us from all of the crazy things that had been happening over the last decade.  Torture, Guantanamo, illegal searches, wire tapping, it would all be gone!  It turns out, I was wrong.  The Democrats aren’t any different than the Republicans.  The new boss looks just like the old boss!  I thought we had two parties but we really just have one.  The Republican side is the real conservatives and the Democratic side is conservative.  That’s not a real choice for those of us that are more liberal in our thinking.

The loss of my innocence came when I was not a child but a grown woman.  You might think I should have known better but truthfully I really didn’t want to think that our government could be that corrupt.  Now I come to the Wikeleaks and boy is that interesting.  Joe Scarborough wants to send a message and nail Bradley Manning.  He wants to send that kid to prison for 25 years.  I wonder what happened to innocent until proven guilty.  I personally find it hard to believe that some lowly private did this entire computer hacking on his own.  Wikileaks revealed the little toad with all the warts that lives in the body of the prince.  Our country has some scary things going on.  The revelations continue to come out and they don’t make me proud of my country.  They also rip off that mask of innocence that I have been hiding under all of these years.  I am now the supreme skeptic.  I don’t trust much of anything our government does any more.  If it’s good for the corporations, our country will probably fight some war, bomb some country or assassinate some foreign leader.  Nothing surprises me any more.  Innocence may be overrated unless you are some poor kid named Bradley Manning sitting in some jail wondering what’s going to happen to you.  I will survive the loss of my innocence but will my country survive the loss of its innocence?

Hooked on Law and Order

  • Posted on February 28, 2010 at 1:27 pm

The last couple of weekends I find myself searching for “Law and Order” shows on television.  It doesn’t matter if it’s the original Law and Order or the SUV  or Criminal Intent one.  It doesn’t matter which actors are involved.  I admit it.  I am a “Law and Order” addict.  What I don’t get is why and when this happened.  I would rather watch Law and Order than just about anything else on television.  It can even be shows I’ve already seen.  It doesn’t matter.  The shows are essentially the same, you know the cops will eventually get their suspect and the killer is usually one diabolical person that needs to go to jail!

In life I don’t think things are quite this easy and the lawyers and police are as intelligent about solving their crimes.  It doesn’t matter about real life though I’m still drawn to the fake life of Law and Order.  The actors on the show whether they be the “stars” or visiting actors are always top notch and oh so believable.  I really don’t have one favorite.  I like most of them pretty much equally well, so what could possibly be drawing me to this show?

I don’t know anyone that has murdered someone else and I don’t think I’d find them all that interesting to talk to but for some reason stories about murder I find very compelling.  I like to read things by Dan Brown, you know the Da Vinci code guy, and James Patterson which both are consumed with MURDER.  Dan has quite a plot going on and James seems to work with different teams of writers to turn out one formulaic murder after another that some how gets solved.  It’s funny when you think about it.  I’m as straight laced and orderly as you can imagine.  I don’t break the law and I set my cruise control so I don’t get tickets.  I always slow down when I see a police car even though I’m just going the speed limit.  I cross every “T” and dot every “I” because I don’t want to break any rules.  I am so used to following the rules I can’t imagine breaking ANY rules.  Is this why I love to see and read about all of these crazy murders?

One of my favorite shows to watch is the unlikely show of “24”.  I don’t believe in torture at all and think our country has been on a slippery slope that is an embarrassment for what we have always stood for but one year my son and I counted the ways “Jack” killed people on the show.  Both of us love that show for the action and drama.  Fortunately, I can always separate reality from a television drama.  Just because I like these murder and mystery dramas doesn’t mean that I believe our country should be run with torture and lawyers that step on the border of civil liberties.  These are fantasy shows that I find very interesting.  It doesn’t mean I believe in capital punishment or throwing people in the slammer and throwing away the key.  It means something else I’m sure but I’m not sure what.  It isn’t gore that I like.  I used to like to watch those “CSI” shows but now I avoid them.  I can’t stand the gruesome autopsies.  I think that’s just sick.  I don’t need the blood and guts to be drawn into the murder investigation.  I think it’s the characters that really pull me in to Law and Order.  It’s all of the interesting lives from poor to rich but all have murder on their minds.  So I sit here listening to Law and Order and turn the channel from TNT to USA because TNT went to a movie and USA is still playing Law and Order SUV.  I can’t get enough of it and hope it stays on telelvision because I can’t imagine watching another stupid reality show and I think the dogs agree!

I don’t think it will hurt me but this is one addict that is going to keep getting her fix form Law and Order as long as that candy is put on television!

Amazing Grace

  • Posted on January 1, 2010 at 10:30 pm

I just watched the movie, “Amazing Grace”.  This 2006 movie is basically about the efforts of a group of people in England that worked hard to abolish slavery.  The movie centers on William Wilberforce and how he used his conversion to religion and a run in politics to lead to the legal passage of laws to abolish slavery.  The process was arduous and involved the efforts of many people but the underlying theme I felt from the movie was the power to grow an idea even though the numbers are against you.  While many felt defeated many times with great effort they pushed on and eventually convinced others of their ideas.  One person had a great impact on the whole country but the truth is there were many people that helped push the politician, William Wilberforce, through their backing and even their research.

I found it especially interesting to watch the British Parliament sound very much like our own American politicians.  Even though they knew slavery was morally wrong, they found it difficult to stop because of the financial hardship it would bring to the country.   It reminded me of our own recent years of dealing with the issues of torture, war, civil rights, privacy rights and all of the other current issues.  Many politicians know what is right but when it comes down to many of these issues it really is about the money, the money for private corporations.  We are involved in wars that are quite profitable at a time when every other business venture is probably having some kind of financial difficulty, so we continue to keep the people riled up about terrorists, the new “boogey man” and keep sending our young men and women off to war.  I know I make it sound quite simplistic but in my mind it really is, isn’t it?  Haven’t we gone off to many of our wars for corporations, power and control?

In the movie men wanted more time to “contemplate” what to do as they just couldn’t abolish slavery immediately as it would have a huge impact on the economy, so they chose to do nothing!  I see similarities in the current health care debate.  It seems to me that the politicians know what the right thing to do would be but they are still holding out for their corporate masters that enslave them with their financial contributions that keep them in power.  They are slaves to corporations just as the British politicians were slaves to their own corporate masters.  Our American politicians have grown far too comfortable to really understand how most of the citizenry live.  They don’t know that those that don’t have health insurance rarely see a doctor or only do when they are at their wits end.  They don’t care that those that do have health insurance wonder what in the heck their insurance is really paying for when they get their bills!

For me the movie, “Amazing Grace” really reminded me of how timid and selfish politicians can be and how slow things move when men are the only ones making the decisions.  I personally would like to see a real third party form that involves the efforts of many women, the sensible voices of women, the caring women that devote their lives to the young soldiers going off to war and are appalled at any injustice.